Cleaning house

Have not cleaned house in over a week I am doing it now! I feel good about this! I am worried about life here in Mississippi but I keep having to remind myself that I need to let go and do what is right and God will handle the rest! And so I will challenge myself this week. No matter who calls or what happens this week I will handle it and let it go with God's help. I love that I have a helper. My very own! I get so caught up somtimes I forget and now I am going to stop whatever I am doing and when I start to feel a mess I am going to pray and ask him for his guidance. I know that I am never going to make it if I keep falling apart and allowing people and stress to stop me and get off track. I am so thankful God has blessed me with a new friend whom gives me godly advice I can always count on her as well! I think God is teaching me that in order to grow I have to keep going through the tough times.I am thanful for this because it means he loves me and wants me to walk a little closer and a little more intimate with him! God Bless <3

I am disgusted.

So I have NOT felt good about a certain family relationship for several months. When I recieved an email from family inviting me over to there home. I never call or visit with them because truly I am busy, they are busy, and I felt not welcome to a certain extent. I guess more then not feeling welcomed so much has been said to me and my husband concerning the family member he works for . We thought they did not like us and regretted our coming to Mississippi. The Conservative Nut loves his job. He loves working for God. But it feels like everyone has an agenda. There is a man The Conservative Nut works for that told my family member we did not like the spouse because they were legalistic. First never told this man that information. Second I became angry because not only did a man of God lie, but when did it became okay for a pastor to reveal information to others in order to create gossip??!?!?!?! Wow blown away by this. I want The Conservative Nut to follow his dream and do what God asks of us. But is it possible for people with their own free will to mess things up? ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY I tell you I am ANGRY!!!

Complete Chaos

My blogs have no structure and they are all about me. MWHAHAHHAHA! Chaos. Ya think? So today I would like to talk about someone who has more chaos in his life then the president (maybe) Tiger Woods! Come on down! Six mistresses? Really? REALLY? I have three kids and barely have enough time for them! How in the world? That is some balancing act that is for sure. Did you hear the wifey is negotiating a new nup? Oh man you can take that one to the bank! In breaking news I had dreams all night long about the repo man !!!! I also can not seem to figure out why my three year old runs around naked constantly! I am having peanut butter and jelly for lunch....again. DO NOT HATE! YOU KNOW YOU WANT A PB&J ! Oh and I want to talk about why Tom Cruise and his wife never dress there daughter in a winter jacket? And why the poor three year old is in summer dresses in December walking around NY? Is it some weird Scientology exercise? That poor kid!

Rainy day and hungry babies

I awoke this morning to hungry kiddies and pitter patter of rain coming from outside this morning. At first I just wanted to lay there. I realized that this funk I had been in for a week now needed to move on just like this rain. I can not lay down and let these trials consume me. I needed to get up and get moving. After all God is walking right beside me. He has a perfect will for my life and I can not be effective lying down. So today I choose to get out of bed and face life one thing at a time. I promise not to be over critical of myself or allow others to make me feel less then what I am today. Juse like my hungry little ones this morning I am hungry for him and only him today.

Before you can see the bigger picture you have to get through today

I am a self proclaimed control freak. I am ocd about my home, however I do not care about closets,cabinets,drawers,etc. I can not function if things are not my way. Which makes it really difficult when God loves to make you squirm! We are no longer in jeporady of losing our car. For now anyway! AMEN! There is a bigger picture. And even though today it would be easy to give up. If you give up you could lose out in the future. Future. I have dreams, desires, wants. Like every women does I suppose. I would love to have some money that I could go and help others with. I would love to get my nursing degree and care for the ill in third world countries. I would love for the Conservative nut to live out his dreams as well. For now I home school three beautiful children. I struggle with myself and who I am, but I am becoming comfortable with myself finally! I manage to keep a clean home, cook decent meals, and not completely lose it on my kids! Yay for me. I am thankful. I am thankful for special friends sent from God, hard working husband, three beautiful kids, and a place to lay my head at night! Thank you Lord.

Hi Nichole! It's God... did you get the memo?

So as I said before My family and I have had trial after trial. I can not figure out exactly why. I can tell you we have never been great with our money. We have never really had a lot of money but the cash we have had has not always been spent wisely. None the less we have never recieved any help from our family with cars, bills, etc. It has always been me and the conservative nut I am married to. That is how I will refer to him my Conservative nut. The Conservative nut was in the military for four years and busted his butt to recieve a degree in avionics. We were offered a job from an avionics company in the ST.Louis area. So we traveled from Las Vegas to the ST.Louis area to pursue a career in avionics. But as young people often do we never prayed to God and asked him what he wanted for us. All those evenings of studying for that degree so we could finally make some cash and God was like... UMMM guys? Guys.... haha I hate to say this but ummm well pack up and uh your going to work in a ministry in Mississippi. LOL. SO here we are. It has been tough. The people here somtimes make me feel like I would rather poke my eyes out with a rusted spoon rather then engage in a conversation with them. So The Conservative nut works his butt off for peanuts. But it is for God. Never mind the hypocrites he is surrounded with. HE IS SERVING GOD. WE ARE SERVING GOD. I know my writing sounds so ungrateful and a bit crass. I can't be fake. I don't feel good about all the things I am going through or even about being here. But honestly I am trying to bloom where I am planted. I am honored that God would use my family for his work. I am thankful for what I do have. I am just thrown off my game yo. I want to appreciate all the traveling and things we have seen. God has never kept us in one place for long. I am hoping in writing these things down and getting these feeling out on this page I can somehow let go and move on. We are a family of five living in a tiny two bedroom apartment, with no couch, on the verge of losing our only car, while my father in law is dying of cancer. My husband faces jealousy and bad intentions every day at work. I face women who have to make God's gift something tangible to make themselves feel better. I have been critisized for everything from having television in my home, to trick or treating, all the way to Santa Clause. I am tired. I am frustrated. But I also recognize none of these things we face is because of God wanting to hurt us. That which is from God is to make us stronger and to grow, and that which is natural consequece of my sin I must learn from. So here is too trying to live in God's perfect will!

Facebook.

I realize this blog is more for myself then readers. What readers? lol. I think I officially quit facebook today. I am so sick and tired of watching what I say for fear of certain people being offended. I am tired of playing nice. Terrible? I know it is! I just want to crawl in to my very clean cave and sleep! However I can not. I have three small kiddies who depend on me for just about everything. I guess I should fill you in on my life lately. We moved to this new town in July. I came with an open heart and my eyes set on God. It did not take more then a month before I was knocked over by the reality that was set in front of me. No stranger to traveling and living in new places I knew it was going to be different here in the Magnolia State but as many things in life tend to throw us a curve ball this move definatly threw the curve and knocked me over. I have to say I do not fit in here. I feel very alone. Almost isolated. My family has been tested over the last few months over and over again. While we stand united, my heart is broken. I am sad. I am angry. I am afraid. I am not sure what God wants us to learn here? Why we are here? Or why we are hit every other week with a new trial? But what I can say is that my tank is empty. This blog is my attempt not to fall completely apart.

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog! My name is Nichole. I live in Mississippi with my husband and three kids. I homeschool my kiddies. This blog is about my life. My very real, very intimate, feelings. I have never ever written a blog before and decided it was time. Hello world! So sit back and buckle up!